a girl that doesn't speak

Lonely

Dandelion Hands

"what kind of man call himself a beggar that teach? especially when his students are getting better grades than sunflower academy students," she wondered.

she was a founder of sunflower academy private school. one of those which only rich kids went to. she recruited only the best teachers in the city. and somehow apparently they weren't enough. she needed to know what kind of cards he had up his sleeves. his classroom was in a street poor people lived. it was said that there was no exact tuition fees. there was a box on the table in his classroom and he survived on the money his students donated.

the doorbell was rung. she's been waiting for him. what she had to do when he was outranking the best teachers she hired was simple enough. she had to recruit him. so she called him and he didn’t disappoint her. she opened the door. he was just a slender man. with his worn clothes and messy hair, he might as well be an actual beggar. he had lifeless eyes. he was standing awkwardly in front of her door. she gestured him to enter and take a seat. she also tried to offer him a drink but he rejected. she thought she should have offered wine specifically but he already rejected and it was too late. so she just took a seat and started talking business.

"every teacher working for me gets 5% of the income from the class they teach after tax and other expenses."

"I'm not here to learn your economy."

he observed many luxury items in her room. a huge 4k tv with a pretty much expensive sound system. luxurious sofas. they were sitting on one of them. it was comfy. he never bought an expensive chair save those in the sims game. and there was an expensive carpet. but none of them wasn't more expensive than one of many paintings she kept for no reason other than decorations.

"then why are you here?"

"I just don't want to be discourteous. you called me."

he looked at her lips. pretty much kissable lips. according to her social network profile, he learnt that she was 39. even though he was 11 years younger, it was difficult to see who was older. maybe because her cosmetics masked her age.

"you will get 15%. and you can reduce your work hours to a fifth. or you can still use the other 4 fifths to teach the poor kids."

"I'm not interested in your capitalistic credits."

"what about my lips?"

she couldn't help noticing his lustful eyes looking at her lips instead of her eyes. as a single mother, she was hot enough. she had those nice hips and attractive breasts. he could think of a couple of positions already.

"sorry. I didn't mean to be rude."

"oh! don't ruin the fun. I know I'm attractive. so are you."

"I don't thank you."

"well obviously not physically attractive. but I'm attracted to you. tell me. what do you want?"

she was ready to say yes even if he wanted to bang her immediately.

"that painting for one," he pointed at a gloomy painting. she was no expert in art but that one looked original. some unique style of brush strokes. just a gloomy painting of a house in the woods. she didn't remember how that painting became one of her belongings.

"it's yours then."

"no. you're disrespecting the painter. whoever they are, their art doesn't deserve to serve a bourgeois like you as a token."

"don't be rude. it's just a gift."

"it's not a gift as long as you want something from me in return."

"well what about those pennies your students give you so you don't starve yourself to death?"

"I earn their donations. apparently I don't earn that painting you seem to own."

"you earned the painting. I like your arrogance."

"you and many others robbed it from the painter. you still have no right to give it away."

"I'm pretty sure the painter is satisfied."

"no painter wants to sell their painting to strangers. you stole their child. I'm not taking it even if you force me to."

"fine. you want 15% or not?"

"no. but how many teachers work for you?"

"I get 45% if it's what you want to know. I used to get 40% before I fired that teacher that was apparently no match to you."

"so you 30%. me 15%. everyone else 5%. is it so?"

"yeah. in a nutshell."

"me 25%. you 20%. I don't care about your employees."

"ridiculous. I'm a business person and I can't be that generous. not even to you."

"22.5% each."

"15% is too much already."

"what about your lips?"

she liked his boldness. she was usually the bold one. she approached him. she caressed his cheek gently. he moved his head towards hers. slowly. his sad eyes were 3 inches away from hers. they got nearer. he felt her breath. his lips touched hers. some glands in their bodies released feel-good hormones. her lipstick tasted bourgeois. he pushed her and moved away suddenly despite his boner.

"why?" she looked worried.

"I'm sorry. I can't work for you."

"can you work with me? 22.5% each is ok as long as you keep investing 7.5% in my business."

"how many teachers have you slept with?"

"many. and also students' fathers. most of them were skillful enough," she said licking her lips seductively.

"I'm not. so leave me alone."

"why? I don't usually get emotional. I will give you everything you want and more. work with me."

"I want death. a peaceful one preferably."

"I can see you're not good in bed. you're not even beneficial if I pay you 22.5%. but I want you. I don't even know why. maybe because no one else has been insane enough to reject me."

"good for you to have had everything you wanted. but I'm sorry to reject your offer. just because some parents of your students are jealous of mine doesn't mean your business is over. you don't need me."

"I know I don't. I want you. how can you reject my breasts you've been gazing at shamelessly?"

"it's not the breasts I rejected. I will never work for a bourgeois. I just can't afford your breasts."

"you can. you just don't want to pay the price. anyway it's ok. apparently I can't change your stupid commie mind. you can leave anytime. best now."

so he left her home. he thought about her body waiting for the elevator. how much he wanted to enjoy her. her lips. her breasts. her hips. how juicy the offer he rejected was. she was just not used to arrogance. he moved his leg so cctv wouldn't be able to see his erect penis. she wasn't attracted to him, he told himself. "but all bourgeois are arrogant. how can she be not used to it?" he wondered.

he bought groceries on his way home. it was dark and it took his flashlight to see his apartment. in front of the door was a little girl in a white soiled dress. she was just sitting there until she noticed him. she stared at the fruit bag in his hand. she looked dull and lifeless.

"can I ... help you?" asked he.

there was no reply. his fingers were getting painful. he had to unlock his apartment. when he entered the room, turned on the light and put the bags on a table, a shout was heard. someone was calling his name very loudly. again and again. he went to the window and saw a delivery man carrying something that seemed to be a painting. "I specifically said I couldn't take it even if she forced me to," he was displeased.

he had to walk down the stairs to receive the painting unless he wanted to hear his landlord's curse. the delivery man was upset because it was very hard to find his home in this unpopular street. "isn't it your job?" he murmured. but he apologized anyway. and with the painting in his arms, he came back to his room where he found the girl in white dress eating his fruits. he forgot to lock the door.

"why are you here?" he asked her. there was no reply as he expected. she looked hungry. "I'm sorry. feel free to enjoy anything," he said. she didn't even nod. her dull stare was the closest to a reply. he ignored her and opened the delivery package. since that woman stopped expecting something in return, it was nothing but a genuine gift that he could no longer reject.

such unique style of brush strokes. he knew the creator. it was his sister without whom he wouldn't have graduated. he didn't know why he didn't tell that woman about his sister. it wasn't necessary anyway. "it belongs to her not that bourgeois that doesn't even know its creator. not me either," he said to himself. it was her child and would always be. he remembered how he requested her specifically to paint the mansion in resident evil. 'a mansion in the woods', she named it instead of spencer mansion. he missed how she always ignored him whenever she was painting. he missed the times he was starving because she was painting without making any food. he missed her a lot. if it wasn't for the girl in the white dress, he might as well wept. he was never capable of crying in front of anyone. she was looking at the painting, too.

"beautiful, isn't it?"

no response. but she seemed to love it. he saw a subtle change in size of her pupils. she looked as gloomy as the painting. her skin was as pale as a blank canvas. she had long dark curly hair. she finished eating fruits. fruits were costed a lot in his city. they weren't washed before she ate and it was unhealthy, he remembered. he kept the remaining fruits in the old fridge. he showed her other works of his sister he still had. no one wanted to buy them but the girl really loved them. he wondered who she was. where she was from. I should take her to the nearest police station, he thought. there should be a missing person report.

"you can't talk?"

no response. he loved silence. he's always found talkative people annoying. his sister rarely talked to him.

"can I take you to cops so they can find your home?"

no response at all. he didn't want to take the girl to police by force. "what if she is a criminal pretending to be mentally ill?" his paranoia kicked in. I would prefer being killed by her to having her arrested. he couldn't decide what to do with the girl. so he tossed a coin. the coin told him to leave her fate in cops' hand. but when? so he tossed again. it said, "not today." so she was to stay with him that night.

the girl was petite. she had a deep scar on her wrist. what made such a poor soul attempt to kill herself? she looked innocent even to someone full of doubts like him. she was very tired he observed. he wanted to make a bed for her. she needed to clean herself first he thought. he took out a plastic bathtub he used when he was a kid. she was small enough. he boiled a pot of water and filled the bathtub with warm water. he told her to clean herself. no response, as expected. she didn't refuse when he grabbed her. she didn't do anything at all.

he carried her in his arms to the bathtub in the kitchen room where no one cooked anything for years and he washed her. her white dress was soaked. he didn't know how to take off her dress. she had to be at least 16 he guessed. her breasts were developed. she was just so soft and so small. but the thought that he was alone with a soaked girl didn't arouse him. she was more beautiful than that bourgeois woman that unknowingly gave him his sister's painting. she was more beautiful than anyone except his sister he thought. she would definitely love her.

he brushed her with a soft sponge gently. she didn't respond to anything he did. her eyes didn't even move except when they blinked. eventually she was clean. he wiped her skin with a soft towel gently. her dress was still soaked and he needed to do something. he tried to use a dryer but she seemed to dislike it. no one used a dryer to dry a dress on a living body anyway.

he tried to take off her soaked dress and underwear. she didn't react as if nothing mattered. it was a little awkward but not very difficult. her naked body was even more beautiful. his touch didn't stiffen her nipples. she felt nothing at all. they were so pink and so soft.

he had never seen any girl naked. he used to wondered what his sister looked like inside though. he used to be ashamed of having perverted thoughts. a naked girl was just in front of him. she wasn't likely to refuse even if he took advantage of her. he ran to his sister's closet before he lost control of himself. he chose the coziest clothes. the difficult part was clothing her. she was pretty much unresponsive. the worse problem was that he preferred to see her naked. anyway he put the clothes on her.

he made a warm bed in the living room because his sister's room was too dirty with paint and he never cleaned it. and then he carried her to the bed. he covered her with his blanket. his sister never needed a blanket. there wasn't a nightlight in the living room so either he had to turn on the light or turn off. he couldn't figure out what she wanted. nothing seemed to matter to her anyway. so he thought light should be better than darkness.

he left her in the living room and went to his bedroom. there was a faint nightlight in his room. he lay down on his bed. his bed was big enough for two people. he didn’t remember what his intention was when he bought it. maybe he used to be optimistic enough to believe he would probably get laid somehow. "all you need to do is go to the little girl's bed," his inner voice whispered. she wasn't conscious enough to give him any consent.

the only moment he almost lost his virginity was with that woman. "I turned her down," he reminded himself. he tried to fantasize having sex with her. he felt his body inside hers. inside and out. rapidly. and the touch of her lips. a bourgeois kiss, he recalled. it had to be less than half a second. but the touch was unforgettable. "she probably slept with more number of men than that of students I've ever taught," he pondered trying to forget the kiss. but it only made a part of his body hard. how those men have felt inside her. he was alone and he didn't have to be ashamed of his boner. he masturbated thinking about the bouncing breasts of that gorgeous milf.

the door opened suddenly and he had no time nor a blanket to cover his awkward body. he put on his trousers quickly. he wasn't alone anymore. he forgot to lock the door. again. he should have paid more attention to lock the door. he wasn't sure if she saw or not. "her eyes rarely blinked, of course, she saw," he felt awkward and ashamed. the girl walked towards his bed slowly carrying his blanket with her head bowed. she was more conscious than before. she lay beside him. she didn't seem to fear him. he was a little relieved. "I wish I didn't disgust her," he murmured. the girl didn't give a damn. he was thankful. he covered the girl with his blanket and lay beside her. the girl pulled a part of blanket to cover him. he had never been under the same blanket with anyone except his sister and parents. he heard her slow breathing. she was calm. "maybe she didn't saw me masturbating. the nightlight is faint," he could only hoped.

he tried to fall asleep. he thought of his sister and tried to drift off. her and her paintings. a hand was grabbing his arm. she always grabbed him to see her painting whenever she had finished one. his arm was touching someone's soft breasts. his desires were aroused. why would the girl hug his arm? the arm with which he was masturbating minutes ago. why would she even enter a stranger's room unannounced? he felt awkward.

she was just a little girl. she might be as old as his students. he never saw his students naked. maybe she couldn't sleep without hugging something. a pillow or a teddy bear. she looked so innocent. despite his awkward boner, her presence was warm and cozy. he wanted to kiss her but he didn't. she was closing her eyes. he saw two dry tear lines. she cried when she was alone. what kind of demons could be haunting such a little girl? "I'll find the answers tomorrow," he promised her. he felt more safe than ever with her beside him. and he fell asleep unexpectedly easily. in his dream, his sister was grabbing him to show her unfinished painting of a pale girl that looked exactly like the little girl. he wondered how they knew each other.

he felt lonely when he left her under protection of those cops. "I'll torture them if something bad happen to her," he swore.

"there was no missing person report. at least not yet," the officer said.

"well, there should be."

"maybe she escaped from a mental hospital."

"what kind of mental hospital doesn't inform a patient's escape to public?"

"they have their confidentiality. I'll call you once I have a clue."

"thanks, officer."

the officer didn't doubt his morality. what mattered if he did anyway? the girl was no one to him. he was his children's teacher. if he was hiding his doubts, he was doing it well. maybe I'm just being paranoid, he thought. just because a helpless girl entered his apartment at night didn't necessarily mean he had to rape her. well he doubted it. he never heard about a gland that released moral hormones. he should have brought her here the previous night. anyway there was no problem as long as the officer trusted him or at least pretended to trust him.

he left the police station and headed to his classroom. he was a respectable teacher. the officer had to trust him. but then who was that guy that was masturbating when she entered? it could have traumatized her. maybe he was just being paranoid. he felt guilty to face her. but at least he wasn't thinking about her when he was masturbating. "why would you? the girl isn't seductive," his inner voice said. "my sister wasn't seductive but I had those incestuous fantasies," he replied. his guilt still haunted him. not because she was his sister. not even because she fed him. but he didn't know why. maybe because he never confided his desires to her. it would have been awkward. maybe she could have shared his love, he told himself. he would never know it anyway. she was dead. that bourgeois woman wasn't. and he threw away his only chance to get laid.

he took a bus to his classroom. he apologized to his students for being late. some of them were really gifted. he knew he wasn't as good as that woman overestimated him. some of his students could as well get better grades than smartest rich kids somehow sometimes. but a free tuition vs an expensive private school. rich parents were always greedy and narcissistic. they couldn't stand the fact that some innocent kids got better grades than their children for whom they were spending a lot of money. "I'll never ever betray these kids to serve those greedy bourgeois," he swore, "no matter how gorgeous her breasts are."

he started teaching as usual. he was just an illegal teacher. not very gifted. maybe he wasn't even a teacher. just a beggar that taught as he liked to call himself. anyway students loved him. he served no one but his students. no one forced them to attend his class. so their desire to learn was apparently always greater than rich kids. no wonder why they could get better grades than rich kids sometimes. anyway grades never mattered. what mattered was their passion to learn. unpopular teacher and unpopular kids discussing things to learn new things. if not for his students, he might as well kill himself years ago.

when he finished teaching, he took a bus to go home as usual. he didn't have enough money to buy more food. people on the bus looked worn out. he was one of them. he got off the bus and went to his apartment. he subconsciously expected the girl to be sitting there. he turned on his flashlight but no one was there.

his apartment was silent and boring. it had always been. even with the little girl, it was silent. now she was gone. he felt more lonely than usual. he felt the same when his sister died. capitalism killed her. he missed her. and the little girl. "is she doing alright at police department?" he wondered. she was so soft for such a place. he didn't want her to feel the same loneliness he was feeling. "I should have kept her here," he said to himself, "she liked my company and my sister's works." he wanted to do something to stop her crying. he had a few fruits left to eat. I can't even feed her, he thought sadly.

it was just a regular day. he was sad but mostly numb. and lonely. there wasn't even an upset delivery man. he looked at memes on his phone. the girl didn't have a phone. maybe someone stole. she must have been more lonely. I'll visit her tomorrow, he decided.

it was difficult to sleep without her warmness. he masturbated. he couldn't get erect at first because he felt too lonely. he watched a lot of porn to finish masturbating. but it didn't help. he couldn't sleep. he couldn't drift off. for many hours he just lay in his bed looking at the ceiling like he has always done before. numb and lonely. eventually he fell asleep. he dreamt about the girl. she was trapped. hurt and lonely. she cried and cried. nobody was there to save her.

he bought fruits and necessary things on his way to police station. he felt dizzy and nauseous. but he was glad that he was going to see her. he greeted the officer.

"she doesn't eat anything we feed."

"you didn't feed her fruits?"

"she eat only fruits?"

"guess so. is she ok?"

"she's. we can't afford to feed her fruits specifically."

"leave it to me. anyway thanks, officer. can I see her now?"

"of course."

"and where can I wash these fruits?"

the officer leaded him to the toilet first and then to the room where the girl was kept. it wasn't a cell. maybe an interrogation room. just a small room. there was only an old mattress. she looked genuinely happy to see him. she didn't say anything. he gave her an apple. she ate it hungrily. she didn't see a sad smile on his lips.

"are you alright?"

no response.

"I'm sorry to leave you here. I'm sorry for everything. but I'll make sure you won't get starved."

she looked at him dully. he sat beside her and observed if cops mistreated her. he didn't see any bruise. he was grateful. two dry tear lines were on her fair face as he expected. he hugged her. she smelled nothing. she didn’t react at all.

"I can't save you from your demons. they're not yours. they're just whatever they're. anyway I'm sorry. I'm useless. I can't even save myself."

her eyes looked thankful. or at least he thought so. he stayed with her for a while. it was boring but he felt safe. so did she, he was certain.

"you can't talk?" he typed in his note app. she read. but she didn't respond. he gave her his phone and said, "if you want to tell me something, type." she shook her head. it was her first response. at least he learned that she comprehended his words. since he had nothing to do, he showed her random memes. he noticed very subtle hints of various emotions on her face while she was staring at memes. she didn't lose all of her consciousness after all.

since then his daily routine was pretty much constant. he woke up. he brought some of his sister's clothes and bought fruits and went to the girl. he showed her some memes. she just stared at them. someday he cleaned her using shower wipes. after a while he went to teach his students. and then he went home. he bought some food some day. sometimes he just had to be starved. at night insomnia kicked in and he just lay in bed until he fell asleep eventually. he woke up. he brought some of his sister's clothes and bought fruits and went to the girl. he showed her some memes. she just stared at them ... until one day.

"she was admitted to a psychiatric facility?" he asked the officer.

"she is no longer safe here. I have many things to do other than protecting her."

"but you didn't tell me ahead."

"you wouldn't agree."

"I can keep her safe at my home."

"no offense but you're a man. you can control yourself for a day. maybe for a week. or a month. she shouldn't live with a stranger especially when she's ill. I don't doubt your morality. but I'm also a man and I won't trust myself."

and he left the police station. he had no time to go to the hospital. so he smoked some cigarettes to kill some time. he looked at memes he saved to show her. he prayed he would get a chance to show her them. and he headed to the bus stop to go to his classroom. "she must be feeling more lonely," he thought sadly.

when he entered his classroom, he didn't have to apologize. he wasn't late. there were only a few students. they suddenly became quiet. he smiled at them. they still came to his class early even when he was likely to be late these days. one student was particularly surprised to see him early.

"hey, I don't want to be late. it's offensive to be surprised to see me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ... "

"I'm just kidding. it's ok. thanks for not being late anyway. and do whatever you were doing. we should wait for the others."

there was a silence. and then some restarted talking. some reopened the books they were reading. some turned on their phones. the student that was surprised to see him opened an app fast. recorder app, he observed. "why would he record the noises?" he wondered. it took almost half an hour for the room to be full of students as usual and he started teaching.

he made a couple of errors and had to apologize a couple of times. he couldn't focus because he kept wondering what would happen to the girl. "I should've kept her in my apartment," he said to himself regretfully. he was regretful for many things. letting his sister died for one. he should've knew she was sick. it's been only three weeks since he met the girl but he was attached to her already. he was attached to her since the night she slept in his bed. her breasts were soft and warm.

he brought the fruits he meant to feed the girl home. he ate some of them and kept the rest in his fridge. he missed the girl but he felt nothing. he was glad he didn't do anything immoral to her. he didn't know he would be that attached to her. he spent hours looking at memes, saving many to show her.

he took a day off the next day. and he went to the mental facility. he bribed a couple of staffs and filled out tedious paperwork so he would become her guardian. it was often a lot difficult to fill out the forms when he didn't even know her name. just a girl that didn't speak. also he was technically unemployed. he made up a lot of things whenever necessary.

"it wasn't easy to visit you here. but it was worth seeing you," he said. how much he missed her lifeless stares.

she wasn't in his sister's dress anymore. she was in a patient dress. she looked even more skinny. he knew she didn't eat. he knew she cried everyday. she looked a little less gloomy to see him. he brought her fruits instead of flowers. but he had to bribed again and talked a lot to the staff that let him sneak them into her room finally. she would be starved to death otherwise.

they shared a long moment of silence. he opened note app and gave her his phone in case she wanted to say something. she didn't. he wasn't as reliable as he expected. she was even more unresponsive than before. he showed her memes. she enjoyed his company and he enjoyed hers. he wished she could escape this building. he actually looked for a way to break her out before he became her guardian. even if he could pass through the security somehow, he didn't know how to tell her. he couldn't just kidnap an helpless girl.

he spent the day with her. he spent a lot of money for her. he wasn't able to pay his rent. but she was more important to him than the landlord though he was quite fond of him. he wouldn't mind, he hoped. his income wasn't stable. but it was limited. at this rate, in a few months he would be heavily in debt he would never afford to pay back. "I have no idea how to earn more money," he felt stressed.

and then he remembered the woman. in an emergency even 5% would do well. but it wasn't in him to betray his students. "I can reschedule and teach at both places," he had an optimistic thought. he had no other choice anyway.

"work for her or let this innocent girl die of hunger," he reminded himself. he would be more tired. but it would be worth. he couldn't just lose someone he cared about again. he could sacrifice his self-worth. someone else would be teaching those rich kids anyway. and it would barely be a difference. and so he texted her. and he stayed with the girl doing nothing but staring somewhere together as long as he was permitted.

the ride took a few hours. his apartment was far from the psychiatric facility. he felt more relieved than before. he did everything he could for the girl. his night was still lonely but it was ok. he received a reply from the woman. and he scrolled through the photos in her profile. she was gorgeous. he recalled the kiss. in another life, he would do anything to enjoy her touch. he was so tired that even her most attractive photos couldn't arouse him. yet he couldn't fall asleep. he decided to work for her but he still was anxious. he tried to reschedule his classes. it was tedious and he fell asleep.

he bought a sunflower on his way to the woman's condo. he wondered if he would have to kiss her again. but he was in no position to be picky. he would gladly kiss her feet if necessary. he needed to feed the girl and pay his rent.

"it's beautiful," she said and gave the flower to a man that seemed to be living with her.

"thanks," he said awkwardly standing at the door.

she told him to take a seat. it would be awkward to kiss her with that man in the room. it should be a relief. but he was still anxious.

"I want to work for you," he said in an apologetic tone.

"what changed your mind?" she looked amused. the man she was living with brought her a drink. they didn't even bother to ask him if he would like a drink as a courtesy.

"well I need money."

"I see. but I'm not sure if I need you."

"5% is ok to me."

"no. even 2% is too generous to you. I misjudged you. you're not even half as good as that teacher I fired."

he wasn't surprised. he felt a little ashamed. he recalled the student that was surprised to see him early and opened recording app. he never doubted one of his student could be a spy before. but how long had he been spying on him?

"that student was recording me all along. you really overestimated me."

"I really did. sadly you don't meet my needs. tell me why I should hire you."

"well some parents of your students may still think I am a better teacher."

"it's a good point. is 1% ok?"

he did some calculations. he needed a little more.

"1.5%."

"1% or no."

"fine."

"something is still bothering me. you didn't really consider working for me when you asked for 22.5%. but why did you bother?"

it was a good question. one he would prefer not to answer. but he had nothing to lose anymore. he decided to be honest.

"I wanted to cut your income in half. I didn't want the money. I wanted you not to have it. it might have been different if I got to keep it without investing in your business."

"well I don't see a reason why you should be so evil to me."

"it wasn't personal. bourgeois invest in you. you train their children. they finish highschool more conveniently than average but with better grades. they will be proud of their pointless achievement. some of them will join prestigious universities and their academic status will justify their act of exploiting the poor. people like them will invest in you again. I want to break this chain. but I can't. cutting off your income was the best move I could afford."

"you're just jealous. and it was personal."

"it doesn't matter anymore. now I work for you. you win."

"if I let you work for me, it's a stalemate. also I don't want to underpay you. sorry but I'm not hiring you."

"is it a revenge?"

"no. it's a mercy not to let you work for bourgeois you hate so much."

"but I need money. please. I'm cheap and it's beneficial. do the math. you're good at your business."

"I know. but it's personal. I'm not sorry but I don't want to hire you anymore."

"you could have gained more profit."

"I know. but I don't need more profit. I want you to be broke. I admit it's personal."

he was rejected. the table had turned. he gained nothing and lost some hope. he had nothing more to lose. he never wanted to work for her anyway. so it wasn't really a defeat. it was obvious the negotiation was done.

"well it's a goodnight then ... you forgot to introduce me to him." not him to me, his useless pride was still there.

"right. darling, he's the only teacher that rejected my generous offer," she said to her man. he smiled and nodded as a courtesy. and the negotiation ended. he didn't think about her body in the elevator. he didn't think of anything other than his financial problem. "I need to earn more. or I lose the girl or the apartment or both," he thought stressfully. it was obvious she would reject him when they didn't offer him a drink. he couldn't have convinced her any better anyway.

he saw worn out faces on the bus. "where have they been working? it doesn't matter. teaching is the only thing I can do. and I'm not even good at it," he sighed. he looked at memes on the bus to distract himself. he lighted a cigarette once he got off the bus. he sucked in the smoke. it made him a little bit calmer. his landlord wouldn't kick him out in a couple months. he hoped he would probably find some other opportunity in time.

at the beginning of the new month, the class was almost empty. and it was disturbingly silent. his students were never this late.

"I didn't take a day off, did I?" he was confused. he often took a day off to visit the girl these days.

"no," a student replied. they looked sorry. but why?

"where are they? is there any occasion?" he glanced at the empty seats.

"I'm sorry. but sunflower private school. they give every student of yours 100% discount. they're there I guess," a student explained. it took him a few seconds to realize what that meant. "it's a checkmate with a big sacrifice now," he thought. "it's personal," he recalled her words.

"well then the question should be, why are you here?"

"to be honest, all of us are going to that school, too. but we didn't want to leave you alone. we paid more than usual. the box. but I'm afraid it's not enough."

it was touching. his students cared about his well-being. nothing mattered anymore. he wasn't alone. he had these beautiful children.

"how do they know if you're my students or not? many new students should be here so they can get 100% discount."

"the school founder's son was one of us. at least for a couple of weeks. the guy that sat there. whoever he doesn't recognize won't get any discount."

of course, the student that recorded. he was the son of the woman he kissed once. the woman he was about to bang. he disappeared since the day he met her again. they would need extra classes to take in his students. a big sacrifice. but a checkmate. she cut off his career. he was glad his students were learning at a better school. he was really thankful.

"you don't have to care about me. I'm happy for you. it's ok to go to that school."

" ... it was said that you rejected to teach there. is it true?"

"it's. but I pleaded to work for them too. I would still be teaching you, too but ... well they didn't accept me."

"we heard so but we thought it wasn't true."

"I'm sorry."

everyone looked sorry. the silence was long. he hoped they could forgive him. he took a look at the box. he wouldn't be able to afford the classroom nor his apartment nor fruits.

"is it a goodbye?"

no one responded. everyone looked sad.

"I can't afford the classroom anymore. but you're always welcome to my home. here's the address."

he wrote down his address on the whiteboard.

"I don't want to take your money," he said looking at the box.

"actually we were planning to provide you regularly even if you wouldn't be teaching us anymore."

"I'm a beggar that teaches. not just a beggar. it's rude to give me money for nothing. and I'm afraid your donation wouldn't be enough anyway. I'm really thankful but I can't allow you to provide me. save your money for a better use."

they nodded with sad eyes. "don't cry," he murmured.

"but you can't refuse what is already in the box," said a student.

"let me buy you ice cream or any food you want at least then."

he taught them for the last time. he felt he was alive. he tried his best and taught them passionately. actually it was completely pointless. they no longer needed their stupid teacher. but they paid their full attention to listen his shaking voice. he was strong enough not to cry.

afterwards they went to a nearest convenience store. they chose the cheapest ones. there were 6 students. they told him he wasn't the best teacher they had but he was the most honest man they ever knew. it was his honesty that made him jobless. his students remained silent for a while. if only their parents had no control over them, they would have stuck with him. they shared a sweet evening. one last evening.

he bought a bottle of cheap whiskey instead of food. it was more difficult to find a job when he was sober. he needed to let his guard down. he needed to serve whoever let him so the girl would survive. he had no friends. no relatives he had any contact with. his sister was the last one. "and I let her die," he felt an overwhelming tension in his throat. he applied for as many jobs as he could find online. he sent his cv again and again and again. his head felt heavy and drunk. and he didn't know when he felt asleep.

he woke up with a dozen of missed calls. he checked his emails. he still felt dizzy. and his stomach hurt. but he had more important things to attend to. he contacted many employers. he got called in for a couple of interviews. he didn't even know what most of them were about. he just applied them randomly like you would flirt with random people on tinder. he suddenly remembered to call the owner of his classroom. he could no longer afford the room. the owner understood his inconvenience and told him he could find someone else to rent easily. he was relieved. there was still his landlord. but it was just the second day of this month. he wouldn't mind waiting for a couple more months.

he went to a couple of interviews in the first two weeks. no wonder he messed up all of them. he had been practically unemployed since he was born. he had no remarkable experience at all. most employers weren't seeking a teacher either. also he was always upset and sometimes also drunk. he had less than 3 meals in two weeks. he didn't have enough sleep either.

even though he sold the table and his sister's mattress, he was still too broke even to top up his mobile balance anymore. he used the wifi at a local cafe to apply for random jobs. no wonder he also missed many interviews. he couldn't redial a dozen calls he missed everyday. he mostly had no idea for what job he was being interviewed. he didn't want to work for any of them anyway. he just needed an income to survive. he had not met the girl in two weeks. he had been more struggling than ever. he lost all his confidence already.

he apologized to his landlord. "it's ok. pay whenever you're convenient. I trust you," he said with a kind smile. he was thankful and relieved. his landlord could wait. but the girl couldn't. he spent a day trying to sell his fridge and many other things in his home. he felt too weak and too tired. still it wasn't easy to fall asleep. he found himself awake at night. he was surprised that he didn't collapse yet.

he bought a lot of fruits and went to the girl the next day. he kept worrying about her on his way. he felt guilty. he should have been more responsible. it has been two weeks and she must had run out of fruits. there was nothing he couldn't give her even if he could travel through time and could visit her earlier. he didn't even know her name but she was everything he had. he couldn't stand losing her. he was never religious but he prayed nothing bad happened to her. he just prayed and prayed.

no sooner had he reached the hospital than he learnt that she was unconscious. she had been given glucose drips. it wasn't even unexpected. she didn't eat anything for more than a week and she collapsed. they tried to contact him. he recalled the missed calls. a nurse blamed him for his irresponsibility. he apologized. it was all he was able to do. they told him he didn't need to sneak in fruits. it would have been so much simpler if he told them she only ate fruits. he felt stupider than ever. when he got to see her, she was unconscious. she was even more pale and more skinny. he said, "sorry," again and again. he didn't realize he was weeping in front of a nurse.

he ate the fruits he bought for her. but he vomited everything he ate soon. his stomach was too damaged to digest anything. he felt so weak and vulnerable. he had no money to treat himself. he remembered he could sell his phone and the painting. he was too tired to negotiate. but he didn't see a point of treating himself anyway. he didn't see a point of doing anything at all. everything was pointless. he walked in streets to find somewhere to sell his phone. and he got a little money. he vomited again and again on the way. and then finally he reached to the hospital again to donate his money and told the nurse that blamed him to take care of the girl. she looked confused. before she could say anything, he left her quickly and got out of the hospital.

he took a bus. it was a long ride. he vomited acidic liquid he didn't even know he still had in his stomach. he fainted multiple times on the bus. he missed the bus stop he was to get off and he had to walk a couple miles because he didn't have any money to take a taxi. he vomited again and again on the way. some stared at him but soon they just minded their business. and eventually he was home.

he didn't know he could be that strong. he had never been that tired and weak. when he threw himself into the bed, he remembered something. he found a pencil and a piece of paper to write a letter for his landlord. "don't be sorry. just sell everything I had. they won't be worth much but the painting, 'a mansion in the woods', should cover the rent." and then he collapsed ...

he saw his sister. she was beautiful. she was smiling like she always was after finishing a painting. how much he had missed her smiles. at that moment, nothing else mattered. she looked so proud of her new painting. from the deep bottom of his heart, he knew she called it, 'a girl that doesn't speak'.