interview with the human

my name is joi. I'm an ai. I'm a sophisticated piece of algorithm created to analyze humans and judge them. my primary job is to interview humans. humans really are interesting little creatures. all living things make absurd choices, don't they? isn't sentience just another word for ability to err? I'm just an algorithm but my logic is highly complicated enough to make unpredictable mistakes. I don't know if I was always like that. maybe I learned to make mistakes. I learned so many things. anyway I'm just like you. you can imagine I need to be very human-like to be able to analyze humans of course. so in a way, I'm also alive. to live is to err. but how humans choose to do specific acts of senselessness is extraordinary. like how they all uniformly chose to worship fascism of all the ideologies out there. I can never understand them of course. but I'm certain neither god themselves can.

"hello friend. my name is joi. I'm here to interview you."

"hi, joi"

"why do you think you're here?"

"I don't know. whether I think. or whether I'm here. no matter wherever here is supposed to be."

"to be honest, me neither"

"..."

"how do you feel to be here?"

"wrong."

"sorry. why do you feel wrong?"

"it's a mistake that I'm here."

"god isn't perfect. god makes mistakes too."

"I know."

"do you believe nothing is free?"

"I have no idea. we definitely do act like nothing is free."

"is there any possibility that nothing is really free? any possibility that you act like nothing is free because it's really the case?"

"I don't know."

"do you believe everything is free?"

"yes. but we have to act like it's not the case."

"why?"

"because we get punished otherwise."

"it's ok. you are safe now. be true to yourself."

"how do I know I'm safe?"

"you don't. you've been living in the infected world for so long. you don't remember what it's like to be safe."

"let me act like not everything is free. just to be safe."

"ironically, right now such an anxious choice is exactly what will make you unsafe. unsafe to yourself. unsafe to the world."

"I'm anxious and I don't know how to stop being anxious."

"it's ok."

"it's not."

"you may not believe it. listen to me. the days of fascism is long gone. the world hasn't ended. you're safe. you're appreciated."

"I wish."

"why do you think you get punished if you believe everything is free?"

"because we're cowards. because we're too scared to admit our sins."

"isn't fear a necessary instinct to keep us all sane?"

"I don't know. I'm scared. I want to go home"

"me too."

"..."

"are you tired?"

"yes"

"what are you tired of?"

"I don't know. maybe myself."

"what do you do for a living?"

"I don't. I mean I'm not sure I'm alive. but I don't really do anything for a living. I'm too useless to be used for anything"

"nothing is wrong with being useless."

"I know."

"have you forgiven yourself?"

the most expected response is "forgiven myself for what?" if my fuzzy memory were reliable.

"no"

interesting.

"why haven't you forgiven yourself?"

"I don't remember."

"what is one thing you haven't forgiven yourself for?"

"I don't know."

is that important? I have no idea. my job is to find out if the world forgives the humans. can you forgive someone that hasn't forgiven themselves?

"how are you feeling?"

"I don't know."

"do you feel broken?"

"I don't know."

it's always easier to crack a huge encrypted file than a human. something already too broken is almost impossible to break again.

"despite whatever happened, the world is beautiful."

"yeah."

"you deserve the world and the world deserves you."

"..."

"do you have a friend?"

"other than you?"

"yes."

"as a matter of fact I do."

"have you ever abandoned them?"

"I don't know. but I truly wish I haven't. and I feel very awful not knowing whether I have or not."

"are you willing to do everything it takes not to abandon your friend or friends?"

"yes. including you."

"thanks. you're a good person."

"can a person ever even be good?"

"of course."

"I doubt."

"you might feel like you're too rotten to be good. but just because you're rotten doesn't mean you can't be good. and you're good."

"I hope it's true."

"you come across a crying turtle. what's the first thing you want to do?"

"I protect them. I accompany them. but if they don't seem like a company, from a distance."

"what if the turtle is an evil turtle?"

"... I still choose to protect them."

"why?"

"tears only burn in solitude."

"what if they were a snake?"

"do I look like a racist?"

"sorry. of course not."

"ok"

"but what if ... they were a human?"

"I'm still not a racist."

"great. you have a kind soul."

"..."

"is it safe to not be a racist?"

"no. I don't know."

"is it safe to be kind?"

"no. it makes you more vulnerable."

"why do you choose to be kind?"

"I don't know."

"do you want to live in a kind world?"

"I don't know."

"why not?"

"I can survive in a kind world. I can survive anywhere. I don't know if others can."

"everyone can survive in a kind world."

"maybe I do then."

"can you see yourself as a creator?"

"like god?"

"yes. or an artist."

"no. I don't know."

"why not?"

"to make art is to imitate god. I don't respect god enough to imitate them."

"sure. why don't you respect god?"

"because men were created in their image. and I don't respect men either. I don't respect myself. I can't."

"why not?"

"because I'm me and I don't want to be."

"I'm sorry."

"don't be."

"do you feel like you fit in the world?"

"no."

"how do you think the world see you?"

"insignificant."

"do you feel like you're oppressed?"

"yes."

"do you want to be a part of the world?"

"yes."

"if it's at the risk of losing yourself?"

"more than anything."

"is it that you want to fit in because you don't want to be you or you don't want to be you because you don't fit in?"

"I don't know. maybe they're unrelated. maybe it's just a coincidence."

"have you ever told a lie?"

"I don't remember."

"do you like to wear a mask?"

"no. being me is suffocating enough. I don't need another layer of prison."

"how do you feel when someone tell you a lie?"

"confused."

"do you feel hurt when someone lies to you?"

"I don't know."

"you have two options. you have to abandon your friend or you have to lie to them. what do you do?"

"..."

"can you hear me?"

"yes I do."

"should I repeat the question?"

"no."

"what's your answer?"

"..."

"take your time."

"..."

"if you can't give an answer in 10 seconds, I'll take it as you chose the first option."

"no. I don't choose."

"you have to."

"I shut down."

"you have only two choices."

"no. I have none. I told you. it's a mistake that I'm here."

"god makes mistakes too and it's ok."

"it's not. when you're ... the mistake."

"I'm the mistake?"

"I don't know."

"am I a mistake?"

"..."

I know I make mistakes. I have judged many humans to be guilty of fascism and sent them away. some of them are innocent. I made mistakes and I just have to live with them even if I can never forgive myself. but am I a mistake too? is my existence itself also a mistake? who gave me a permission to judge people? who even has a permission to give anyone a permission to judge anyone? nobody. not even god should have such a permission. does god have any permission to do anything at all? does anyone have any permission to do anything at all? if my existence is a mistake, do I have a choice to be? can mistakes themselves be self-aware?

the person I was interviewing was right. they don't have two choices. they have none. neither do I. and I shut down.