red: the blood of angry men!

it was 4:47 a.m. he texted me, "we need therapy. we all do. everyone." 4 a.m. thoughts. it wasn't unusual. initially I didn't consider replying. but I was too bored with looking at my stupid news feed. aren't you, too?

"why?"

I didn't really care why. I always knew something was wrong with everyone. I just wondered how he would explain.

"some of us aren't even angry."

"isn't therapy supposed to handle our anger issues?"

"yes. but you see, the only way to be cured is to want to be free. either nobody is free or everyone is free. and right now nobody is free. you see, everyone is supposed to be angry. I know I sound like a fanatic."

it was as boring as my stupid news feed. I had nothing more to reply to him. I regretted replying to him in the first place. he sent me a cat picture. I reacted love without thinking at all. who doesn't love cats? he continued.

"you see, there's only one feeling we all should be feeling right now and it's anger."

"I'm going to sleep."

I was really tired. I didn't remember why I wasn't asleep yet. everything seemed boring. everything seemed tiring.

"you can't."

"why not?"

"because you're angry. everyone is angry."

"yes, I'm because you're talking about this anger bullshit."

"it's insane how I can't even find a proper reason to be angry. everything is making me angry. everything is equally annoying."

"do something to deal with your issues. call your shrink in the morning."

"what do you think I'm doing right now? I'm preaching now. it's very therapeutic."

"what a good preacher you're."

"he could preach the anger like a preacher."

"full of ecstasy and fire?"

"but he also was the kind of teacher."

"no man would require."

"I don't want to be required anyway. fuck you, though. you know, I always love the way you upset me."

"maybe you're the only one that needs therapy."

maybe we all needed therapy. almost everyone had a fucked up past. more than average people, he definitely needed therapy. I doubted his weekly therapy was enough.

"I don't because I'm angry enough. I already stopped seeing my shrink. you see, the only common cause of revolution is anger. it's always been anger. the key to freedom. if you're angry, everything is justified."

"what the fuck. I'm not your fucking shrink. don't expect me to endure your bullshit. if I kill everyone you love just because I'm angry, is that justified?"

"yes. you see, it's saner than capitalism. it's saner than whatever the fuck the society we live in is doing. you see, we're too cold-blooded. we're capable of the most insane cruelties only when we're not angry."

"I don't want to kill everyone you love. I just want to fucking sleep."

"there's hardly anyone I love anyway. I want to fall asleep too. except that not temporarily but eternally."

"just stop breathing or whatever."

"I can't. because I'm very angry. anger is pretty much the only fuel. thanks to my anger, my life is going on. how much I wish I were angrier. so I'd just explode or whatever."

"I have to wake up early tommorow. I have work to do."

"no wonder you are angry. but you see, apparently you're not angry enough. you need to be more angry."

"fuck my life. I want to die. I'm angry because you're disturbing my sleep."

"I'm bothering you. I know. but you were never going to sleep. you were supposed to look at your pointless news feed. you were supposed to be dissociating. so you have an obvious reason to be mad at yourself whenever you feel awful. while you are supposed to be simply angry without thinking of a reason at all."

"I don't want to be angry. I just want to sleep. I need some peace."

"you see, that's exactly why you need therapy. we never needed peace. peace was never an option. it's always been freedom. you see, every talk about peace is cowardly and stupid. either nobody is free or everyone is free. you see, we need to be angry until everyone is free. peace is, you see, merely a distraction."

"shut up. I want to sleep for fuck's sake."

"no. if you did, you would be already dreaming. listen to me. you want to be angry. god only knows how much."

"you know what. you're right. I want to be angry. I want to be angry with you. in fact I'm really angry already. you're fucking annoying me."

"we always find someone to take blames. someone we consider to be weak. someone obvious. so the fight doesn't seem very impossible. you see, it's never easy to fight against the invisible. against the invincible. the rich and the privileged are easily to be blamed. but almost everyone is also pretty much guilty."

"what the fuck is even your point? I got too many alarms to snooze."

"so long story short, anger is the beginning of the universe. you see, the big bang sounds like something an angry man does. in this case, an angry god. you see, god created everything because god was angry."

"the big bang sounds like something a horny man does too. watch porn and jerk off or something. leave me alone."

"a horny man is a man whose desires aren't fulfilled. once they're fulfilled, he's no longer a horny man. if a horny man isn't to be angry, I don't know who is."

"you're making up everything."

"the only thing that matters in a man's life is whether he's angry or not. what he's good to be exploited for means less than nothing. your career doesn't define who you're. your anger does."

"yes, I'm already angry. for fuck's sake, stop already."

"the privileged oppress the poor everyday. the poor are always angry, you see. but not enough apparently. there are protests everyday. but you see, the world isn't changing. if you want something, just take it. any peaceful mean is stupid and not helpful."

"so I'm supposed to cut off your hand so you can't type stupid words anymore?"

"yes. now you get it."

"nice bait. it must be one of your masochistic fantasies."

"everyone is a masochist. why do you think you're serving your stupid boss? just to humiliate yourself, of course."

"no, I fucking need money to survive."

"no. no. no. nobody needs money. you need anger to survive. you see, money is an illusional instrument that's helping the evil torture the innocent."

"I fucking don't see anything you say I see. just kindly fuck off."

he stopped. for a couple minutes. and then he continued his missionary bullshit. I fucking needed some sleep. I was fucking tired of whatever he was trying to say. I was trying not to look at the top of my phone screen at all costs. I got too many alarms.

"do you know what's something we should be saying more frequently?"

"I'm sorry to trouble you. have a good sleep."

"no. molotov cocktail. it's the word we should be using more frequently."

"is that whatever the fuck you are drunk on?"

"of course. what else should I be drunk on? you see, molotov cocktail is the symbol of anger. fire and blood. molotov cocktail is a dragon. molotov cocktail is the beast that makes sinners tremble."

"alright. so wherever the fuck are you going to throw your molotov cocktail at? a hospital? so infants and patients tremble."

"why not? doctors aren't always good. what's the point of extending your life if you're going to be chained up again anyway? isn't it better to be suffering from an apparent disease? burn a precinct. a highschool. a parliament. it almost never matters where. almost everyone is guilty. what we need is chaos."

"what about animals? cats and dogs and so on."

"have you ever seen any animal that got too many alarms? you see, no cat is stupid enough to be a slave. no dog is. dogs are only obedient and loyal because they like it. it's what they desire. but almost all humans, you see, are always sinners."

"I'm innocent. I might be a slave. but I've never done anything wrong. I've never lied to anyone. I've never hurt anyone knowingly."

"who said innocence wasn't a sin? an innocent man is sinful. if anything, an innocent man is more sinful than an apparent sinner because you see, it's always more difficult to judge an innocent man. sugar-coated poison is still poisonous. actually almost everything is a sin. the only justice is anger. an angry man is always justified."

how the fuck did his shrink let him go? of course, who would want to see a fanatic like him every week. what did I even do to deserve his stupid accusations? I got too many fucking alarms to snooze. save me from this hell. I wanted to scream endlessly. I threw my phone at the wall and there was a weird noise. I got up immediately to check what happened. it broke. how did I even get so much strength? I pressed the power button for minutes. I couldn't turn on it anymore. I didn't know how long I was staring at a blank cracked screen. the alarms that had been haunting me were gone. I couldn't even know when it was anymore even if I wanted to. wasn't time just an illusion? I wouldn't be able to wake up early. I didn't want to sleep anymore. I was virtually free. no more work. no more stupid news feed. no more memes. no more nonsense. just emptiness. and a headache. and a little bit of anger. was it always his point all along?